


Captain Watanabe's Cooking Class

by ZippyZapmeister



Category: Love Live! School Idol Festival (Video Game), Love Live! School Idol Project, Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Married Life, Pregnancy, dia is trying her best :(
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-09
Updated: 2017-08-09
Packaged: 2018-12-13 01:58:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11749719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZippyZapmeister/pseuds/ZippyZapmeister
Summary: Dia faces her hardest challenge yet: salmon.





	Captain Watanabe's Cooking Class

**Author's Note:**

> well bois....this is the deepest layer of diamaru hell.....if youre reading this....youre in it
> 
> EDIT: look at salmon-gate-to-love on Tumblr to see the hell this created.

“Okay, I’ve got this...really.”

 

“Yes, I'm sure you do, zura...” Dia could hear Hanamaru holding back a snicker from the dining room table, but she ignored her, instead focusing on the fish before her. That was the fourth poor fish that Dia had mutilated that day, and she was starting to become just a _little_ frustrated. Hanamaru had requested such a simple meal, another random food craving...but it wasn’t something that Dia felt like she could just buy from a store already made. Hanamaru had said she would be fine if Dia just picked it up from a restaurant, but...what kind of _mother_ would she be if she couldn’t make a little pan-seared salmon and vegetables? Hanamaru was usually the one to cook, having been raised with the values of your everyday housewife (and of course, she loved to); however, Dia was a little more pampered, and hardly knew the basics of cooking.

 

Dia inhaled deeply, then let it out, staring at the fish. It was mocking her, even in its death. “Alright. This is easy. Pan-seared salmon. Pan-seared salmon. Pan-seared-”

 

“Dia-chan, I can cook it, zura-”

 

“No, no. I told you these nine months would be the easiest ones of your life,” Dia interrupted, keeping her fiery eyes on the fish’s dead ones. “Considering my father’s profession, I should _know_ how to do this!”

 

Hanamaru stood, walking over to Dia. Well, it was more like waddling, considering how big her stomach was getting. Dia wanted to smile, but it was hard to do so considering her recent failures. “Come on. You’ve done your best. I really don’t mind eating something else.” Hanamaru averted her eyes. “Plus, zura...I feel like this is less about making me the fish and more about the fact that you don’t want to accept defeat.”

 

“Yes. I mean, no,” Dia stammered, dropping the knife to the counter. “I do want to make you the fish, but I _also_ don’t want to accept defeat. In equal amounts. Actually, I want you to make the fish more-”

 

“We should call You-chan.”

 

“No!” Among eating something else and getting food from a restaurant, Hanamaru had also suggested calling Kanan or You, who were much more well-versed in preparing seafood. But Kurosawas don't just run to somebody else whenever something goes (terribly, horribly, awfully) wrong! “I don’t need their help!”

 

“That fish sure does, if you’re going to burn it or butcher it like you did the other three, zura.” Dia shot Hanamaru a glare, but softened her face (and even laughed a bit) when she saw Hanamaru’s good-natured smile. “I know you’re stubborn, but wouldn’t it be better to just watch one of them make it so _you_ can do it if I want it again?”

 

That was the _logical_ thing to do, but...Dia didn’t want to seem weak in front of Hanamaru (or their unborn son, but that was a different story). But, it wasn’t about her. If Hanamaru wanted some good salmon, she’d get some, even if it wasn’t from Dia. Dia picked up the house phone after washing and drying her hands, and Hanamaru clapped her hands together and gave a little “yay”. “Alright...fine. I-I’ll call Kanan-san. If You-san tells Chika-san that I asked for help, I’ll never hear the end of it...”

 

“But won’t Kanan-chan just tell Mari-chan?”

 

Dia froze, then dialed You’s number. “Lesser of two evils, I suppose...”

* * *

“Wow! He’s a kicker! I can’t wait to teach him how to swim!”

 

As You pressed her hand to Hanamaru’s belly and they both laughed, Dia stood by the stove, tapping her foot impatiently. Hanamaru seemed to be having fun, but Dia was eager to begin her tutorial. Thankfully, You had no other reactions to Dia’s moment of weakness other than a “yousoro”.

 

“Ahem,” Dia grumbled. You kept right on feeling the baby kick at her hand, as if Dia hadn’t even made a move. Dia was going to give her a good kick, too, if she didn’t get a move on... “Ahem! You-san!”

 

“Maru-chan, what’s his name? C’mon, you can tell me, I'll keep it super secret,” You insisted, finally getting up from her knees. Dia thought that perhaps she was going to finally start cooking, but she just waited for Hanamaru’s answer.

 

“I'd love to tell you, but we’re not quite sure yet, zura. Dia-chan wants to name him after her father, but we’re still thinking...after all, it’s really important.”

 

“So is the salmon,” Dia deadpanned. “And Hanamaru eating dinner. That’s very important, don’t you think, You-san?”

 

You snorted and walked over to the stove. _Finally,_ Dia thought, straightening. “Alright, alright. Can’t keep little baby no-name hungry, right? Hope you’re ready to learn. Just call me Watanabe-sensei!”

 

“No, thanks. Carry on with the lesson, please.”

 

You gave Dia a little pout, then picked up the knife and looked right at Dia. “If that’s how you wanna do it...okay, so first, you pick up the knife.” _A little mundane, but alright._ Dia nodded, but You stayed silent, her face expectant. When Dia raised an eyebrow, she said, “Sorry. I just wanted to make sure you didn’t have any questions so far.”

 

Dia’s face reddened with irritation, but she immediately calmed down when she heard Hanamaru giggling behind her at the table. Dia threw a glance over her shoulder, but Hanamaru was so busy laughing that she didn’t even notice. _She finds this kind of thing funny? I wish I had known she was so sadistic_ before _I married her._ Trying to control herself, Dia said through clenched teeth, “No, _Watanabe-sensei,_ I do _not_ have any questions.”

 

“Great! Now, let’s start prepping the meat,” You said, a bit too chipper for Dia’s tastes. “Does anyone here know what ‘prep’ means? Any volunteers?”

 

Dia didn’t want to turn around, because she _knew_ that Hanamaru was raising her hand. _God damn it._ “Yes, we all know, now could you please-”

 

Hanamaru laughed even harder, and You was smirking too. “Great! You’re an expert already,” You said. She reached her hand up and hovered it over Dia’s head, as if she were going to pat it...but she quickly decided otherwise and turned back to the stove. “Alright. Where do you guys keep all of your seasonings? Of course, I'm assuming that you even know...”

* * *

After a very, _very_ emotionally exhausting “lesson”, Hanamaru was presented with a perfectly cooked salmon, along with steamed veggies and some soup that You had whipped up (“just because I can, y’know?”). Dia had helped out a little bit with whatever You had instructed her to do, but she was mostly just watching and trying not to let You’s teasing go to her head.

 

“So? How’s it look?” Dia sounded nervous, even though she hadn’t been the one to cook it.

 

“Although presentation is important, it doesn’t really matter how it looks. This girl wants to eat,” You said, still wiping sweat from her brow. Dia was sweating, too; she didn’t know kitchens could be so hot!

 

Hanamaru didn’t reply; probably because she had already shoved a substantially large forkful of salmon into her mouth. You laughed awkwardly, while Dia just watched in disbelief. Hanamaru was a fairly big eater before she got pregnant, but after...Dia sometimes wondered if she’d wake up to a very empty cupboard, and a very full Hanamaru. They both leaned in when Hanamaru swallowed, then hummed in thought. “Not bad, zura! It’s bursting with flavor.”

 

You saluted, and Dia sank into a chair, groaning in relief. “Thank goodness. That was the last fish I bought.”

 

“S-seriously...? What do you plan to eat?”

 

“I wasn’t thinking about it, of course. Hanamaru comes first,” Dia declared, just a little bit offended. “How could I sit by and let my wife and child starve, just because I felt a little peckish?”

 

“I think you’re blowing it out of proportion, just a little bit,” You said, pulling out her cellphone. “Regardless, you need to eat! And so do I. I’ll order a pizza, my treat, for a very good student!”

 

Hanamaru swallowed the mouthful of food in her mouth, and... _Good lord. She finished it all?! That fast?!_  The plate was clean, and the bowl of soup was left without a drop in it. It looked like an immaculate crime scene. Dia tried to hide her shock; there was no telling what would set off one of Hanamaru’s spastic mood swings. “Sorry, Dia-chan. I would have shared, but-”

 

“It’s all fine, dear,” Dia said, smiling tiredly. “Just glad to see you enjoyed. Don’t worry, next time you want any meal, I’ll be able to whip it up at the drop of a hat!” Dia glanced at You out of the corner of her eye. “And I won’t need _Watanabe-sensei_ at all!”

 

“Well, Dia-chan, I only taught you how to make salmon, so you won’t be able to...actually, never mind. You’ll do great,” You said, although she didn’t sound too sure. Dia wasn’t too sure herself, really, but Hanamaru seemed pleased at the idea of Dia cooking for her. _I’ll have to adjust, then..._ “So, what toppings for the pizza?”


End file.
